Well, Good Evening Madam,

May I take your coat?  Your hat?

No?  Well, that’s all right, come right in.  Make yourself at home

Pardon me for being a little bit standoffish, but may I ask what it is that you hold in your hand?

No?  Hmmm, again, with the “No”.  You are so mysterious.

Don’t mind me while I stare blankly at the ceiling.  I am heavily sedated.

Oh, you already know.  But of course, you do.  That’s your job.

Well, carry on.  We all do what we must and I must sit here, while you… oh dear, what is it that you are doing?

All I can say to you is, I’m sorry you had to see that.

Sincerely,

Busted Stuff

P.S. for anyone other than the intended nurse who may read this…

Friends, this is what happens when the night nurse comes to your room at 3AM with a Maglite.  Good job Bell & Howell.  No amount of your late night TV advertising has been as good as this one demonstration.